you wanna know the difference between breathing and not breathing? i'm happier when i'm not breathing.

iight i feel like postin up a song that me and kristen P. did i wrote the first verse she wrote the second and i didn't change the ink so i wrote the third in blue

 i'll do anything just to feel better, because my eyes keep getting wetter and wetter// so i put that needle to my skin and then i pushed it in and put heroin in my veins just so i can regain my happiness and forget the past and hope that this happiness will last and last// if it doesn't last as long i need it to i'll do it again and spend and spend cash and spend it fast and fast, so this shit will just last and last and so i'll just forget for that minute of all the shit that i did and all the shit i'm fed up with, damnit this is it...  so i put the blade slit it and knew this is it the blade slided and my life glided away and i watched it fade...the blood dropped on the floor i couldn't stand this pain no more...and so i called my girlfriend and told it was the end, and i told her i want to spend the last minutes i have with her listening ot her voice and i knew this was my last choice i'd ever make... then the pain stopped...my hands dropped and the phone his the floor and i knew nothing no more…I couldn’t feel no pain now I’m in hell lookin up, seein all the tears those eyes fill up, they all said I wasn’t need but look at them now, bawlin and squawlin over the life that I was leadin, now they’re all pleadin and now they need me and now they’ll bleed for me and help me…what the fuck now here i am knelt infront of god I pleaded for the in heaven then he looked at me and said man, listen up to the plan…you killed yourself now you must rust in hell and you’re family knowing you fell will cry for you and they’ll die for you, and now they’re go threw shit for you…now you’re with the guilt that you built over the years of the family you held dear and held near…

I'm on the phone with him, he's sayin his last words. my whole worlds shuttin down, everythin's gettin dim. I'm thinkin in only a few mintues he'll be gone w/ the birds. I'm pacing around this empty house thinkin of what to say, knowin this will be his last minutes of these days. 3, 2, 1, my baby's gone and now my life is done and i'm nothing and none...Days pass everythin is different, everythin reminds me of what we used to be, livin my life without you just ain't me. Even though going on with you gone still upsets me,  There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok, But that’s not what gets me. What hurts the most,Was being so close,And having so much to say, and watchin you fade away. It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everyday it never goes away and no one know what this pain that grows and grows inside of me , threw my heart threw my eyesite now i can't see damn what else can this be..., But I know if I could do it over, I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart, That I left now you don't know what i'm going through, how much pain your casuing me, did you think that life was a game? You've got to be insane, how could you do this to me, knowing that i loved you more than anything,  no matter what happend, i'd go through anything again & again just to spend time with you toounspoken and this runs threw my mind again and again. And never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin’ to do.....I wake up every morning & see you lieing next to me, It all reminds me of what we used to be. Everything I listen to, everything I see, makes me wanna pray to God, for you,  down on one knee. Hopeing that there's still a chance later on to see you, maybe then you'll be a changed person all brand new. I just still can't believe you'd do this to everyone, all this dosen't make sense right now all the stress weighs a ton. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it all, all because you had to do this and make me live with that last call......

Now his parents have just entered his room and they fall to there knees and plead and plead for gods forgiveness on this because they had no clue about there son being this sad the bad this mad, they saw the needle and they saw the heroin and were he stuck it in… all his veins were drained…blood everywhere his parents scared… they’re crying now they’re screaming out loud… his dad’s head’s spinning around with anger and what kind of pain his son has just caused…by god he thought…then he dropped…pounding the ground…he stood up clenched his hands shut…and backed up…and turned and swung and hit the door…he just couldn’t take it no more…and that night, he died of a heart attack because of all his old ways doctor said he was gonna die of old age but this son insident was to much to bare…and when he died he just stared…and the last thought…was his son and all of the stuff he has done…later that next day his wife passed a away…she killed herself…with a knife that came from the shelf next to the top droor then she cut her wrist and blood hit the floor…she watched it drop she felt her life fade away…and remembered her last days…with her son and them having fun…she remembered him as a kid and all the things that he did…he was a happy young child…to bad that happiness only lasted a while… he’d walk for miles and miles days and days wishing the pain would go away, and the happiness would stay… his eyes getting wetter…he would do anything just to feel better…

                                                     peace,thanks,dalton

hmmmm,my internets fucked so this might not be on the right date...but anyways, you wanna know the two words that aggrivates humans the most? the words are "what if" what if i didn't fuck that up how would my life be,or what if i didn't lose my temper that one day....would people look at me different?...now you here this and laugh...then something bad happens to you, then you start thinkin "what if" and it'll bug your for years,i know this cause that same question's been buggin me for a year now....heh...one's own concious will ponder such things,thinking that we can change that past some how, and this reason is because the human soul is full of hope and hope is the only thing that drives humans to live....like let's say you're in a war, you have hope to live and you think you're gonna go back to your family...or you have hope that you're gonna get the girl you want...hope drives people,it drives the depression the happiness and the anger...is hope drivin by free will or is it drivin by faith? or belief? what drives the human to live in the most darkest of times?...is life such a gift that people will give half a brain half the body? just to live? to we live for the one's we love? do we live for the things we love? do we live for because we want revenge on something and we ain't gonna die until we get that?...my question is,what drives people? gimme comments on that, if you will

                                                peace,thanks,dalton

hmmmmm,how can you love someone if they hate you....but,how can you hate someone if they love you....confusin ain't it? well everything's confusin if you look at it right...but the most important of question of mankind is "why are we here?" scientist and religions are tryin to figure that out...why would god make a world were the creatures that live on it only destroy the world they live in? entertainment? is this a experiment? or is this the natural way of life everyway? i think it was the apocolypse or armegeddon that said "when this time comes it'll be the end of the world as we know it" but it doesn't say man kind,but what if mankind is the destruction of the world? this is all because we're smart enough to destroy what we love but at the same time we're able to fix it...it's all about balance. you know how people say "nothing's free" well that's true, let's say you go to a friends house to get some free stuff and you wanna take the car,well to get that free stuff you'll need to spend your time and your gas, so it comes at a cost...like...let's say you have to repeat a grade at school,well it might be free to give you a second chance but you have to pay with something that's very precious and you can't take back..."time"...we're all only givin a certain amount of seconds to live on this earth, and i don't care if you smoke or drink,you're meant to go when you're meant to go....and people might say well that just speeds it up...no it don't, my grandma smokes til this day and she start 60 years ago,and she smokes on a daily bases...and my ma, god could have tooken her anytime he wanted to but she's still here for some reason,that only he knows and maybe we'll never find it out but you know how people say "god works in mysterious way" he don't work in mysterious ways he works in confusin ways, it's not a mystery of what he does, but it's the question of why he does it...my friend ran this by me so don't yell at me about this he said "dude what if some dude just wrote the bible and people believed him and all the shit that happened was a coinsidence..." but how could everything become true, that star that shined to show that jesus was coming well how could that star explode and then the light travels just at the right time, cause it probably took that star millions of years to show up on earth,it's all timing, but who makes this timing? a higher power of source maybe?...or...was it the power of belief? you could think about all this if you want but if i was you and i heard some kid writin all this shit,i'd just read it and forget cause if you are a very religious person you're probably offended by the time you read this so...just don't let it get to your head...

                                                  peace,thanks,dalton